Artist's Comment:
This was the other day. I mean, I wrote this the other day.
It's true that I was in the washroom when I imagined that I was at the lake (I was thinking of going there after I took my bath, but didn't) and the lifeguard came to me. How ironic, isn't it. I never thought about it before I was typing it in on notepad. LIFE-guard.
I wrote it first on paper then transferred to notepad. o_o
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I was sitting on the bench by the lake at 8pm of Friday. Thinking of what happened before I left for there. My eyes began to water again when the lifeguard on duty came to me. She seems like someone my age with her brown hair tucked securely in a bun and wearing the usual baggy lifeguard shirt on with shorts and flipflops looking as ready as a lifeguard should be. She stopped her tracks, looking back at me, hesitantly.
"I think you should know that I'll be leaving in half an hour," she said.
"Oh, okay," I replied. "Don't worry, I won't be swimming tonight; with these clothes on," pointing at my jeans and long sleeved top together raising up my sneakers, "I don't think so."
She looked rather concerned.
I assured her right away, "I won't drown myself, if that's what your thinking," smirking at the thought of it. "There are people," I continued, "who look up to me when they need me and some people expecting me to be home any time soon." Thinking of my family. Family, uh-huh.
I gave her a small smile. She smiled back. "Well, that's good to know. But that's not why I came here to you," she said, sitting by my side. I gave her an embarrassed glance before looking away. "Sorry, I always have the tendency to yap when...I'm thinking."
"You've been here for an hour, just sitting and stare."
"I'm just thinking," I repeated, my voice cracking. How embarrassing! She just gave me a look as if urging me to continue. Then everything just burst out.
I miss my best friend. Not just physically but i miss HER. Whenever I cry out, she'll turn everything away and be by my side reassuring me that everything will be alright, if not now but eventually. But now I've cried out, haven't heard those words from her anymore. I know she's got school to focus onto and I don't WANT to get in her way but can't she spare a little time for me? Just a little. Especially now that I NEED her? Can't she even send an e-mail or an SMS (it won't cost her that much to send an SMS) telling or saying that she's just checking up on me? Or saying that she's alright? Or anything just random? I receive e-mails from her but only those usual forwarded things.
At home, I'm having problem with my brother. There's no day that we don't argue or get angry to each other. I am sick of it. I want to stop it. Doesn't he want it, too? Or is he enjoying these bickering of ours? I keep on restraining myself before it gets worse. He won't listen to me. He thinks he is right when what he's saying or when his principles are morally wrong (he's not swearing, mind you). I keep on correcting him. He won't still budge. Mother would always slip in and leaves her word.
He prefers his friends over me, his sister. He prefers to be with them on the subway back home rather to be with me or with me and his friends. He thinks that he's more independent with that. But he could be with me and act like we're just friends and not kin. He left without me when our mother told him to wait for me because I'll just be a while. He prefers to be alone in commuting rather to be with me commuting. He told our mother that he doesn't care.
Then there's this one thing that blown me farther away and I can't see clearly because tears have clouded my vision. I was crying like some dam overflowed and eventually knocked down by the pressure of the water.
Then a gush of wind, coming from the washroom window, pushing me to the sink to wash my face before leaving, hoping no one would notice anything.
End.Labels: biographies, biography, brothers, friends, july 11 2008, kins, lake, literature, lysdarnangel, memories, non-fiction, nonfiction, prose, sisters |
